As Designers, working in a space that is often subjective in nature, feedback can be difficult to manage at times. I’ve experienced this in many forms throughout my career and also in life.
Feedback is something that we experience in early life. As a child, as soon as we start to become aware of our surroundings and begin to understand language we begin to hear phrases like: “don’t do that”, “you made your sister upset”, and “go and think about what you’ve done”.
Those examples sadly tell what kind of a kid I was — sorry mum!
Speaking of my mum, I’ll never forget the time she recounted a story of when I was in primary school back in Scotland. You see, I was often getting told off for being disruptive in class and for misbehaving. I had just accepted that I was a bad kid.
When my mum went to school to meet with the teachers, she was told of all the terrible things that I had been doing in class.
“Is he doing the work?” My mum had asked. To which the teacher confirmed.
”And, what does he do when he finishes his work?”
“He disrupts the class, so I have to move him around to different tables.”
“He’s bored” my mum exclaimed, offering a conclusion that the teacher had not come to herself.
I had been receiving feedback loops in class that I was a bad kid — that I was disruptive and disliked by my teacher. For years after I was convinced that was the truth. But hearing my mum recount the story from her perspective and how she interpreted and challenged the feedback, completely changed my perspective.
Catching the ball
After attending some training at work last year, a concept regarding feedback was shared that has stuck with me since. The idea was that feedback is like a ball that is thrown towards you. It’s an object that you can catch, and in doing so, it’s something that you can dissect and examine.
When it comes to actual sports, at least ones with rules and stuff, I am pretty bad. In that reality, the ball would likely hurtle towards me and strike me across the face leaving me dazed and confused. And this is what feedback can sometimes feel like.
At work, we have recently wrapped up our end-of-year reviews where a lot of feedback has been gathered and shared. Some good, and some not so good. But negative feedback that is constructive is a good thing. It’s a chance to learn.
Instead of letting that ball come at you and knock you sideways, take a moment to catch it in flight. Hold it in front of you and rotate it. Look at it from different angles, from other people’s perspectives.
Why might people have this feedback for you? What did you do, or not do, to elicit the feedback in the first place?
Instead of acting like a squirming mess in the middle of a dodgeball court, instead, act like a world-class goalkeeper. Catching each and every piece of feedback and deliberating over the underlying message. Reflect on your accountability and then decide how best to proceed.
It’s on you
My mum could have taken that feedback about her misbehaving son at face value and returned home to ground me for that evening. But she didn’t. She chose to pause and reflect. To ask questions, and to try and understand the bigger picture.
In doing so, she encouraged the teacher to offer an alternative to simply punishing me. She offered her feedback and suggested viewing my disruption from another angle — boredom.
She captured the ball, rotated it around, and passed it back. This exchange went on until they were both clear on what was happening and what needed to change.
The end result was that I simply needed to be fed more work, and be given activities to keep me busy. This ended up being a win for everyone.
(Most) People aren’t bad
So, next time you receive feedback, whether it’s personal to you or to the work that you are doing, understand that a pause, seeing things from different angles and some follow-up questions can often lead to some interesting outcomes.
Most people who offer feedback are simply trying to share their perspective on something that has meaning to them. When we can see that the intentions are clear, and crave the need to understand each other, we can take bigger leaps in receiving and working with all types of feedback.
So next time you are given some feedback, say “thank you for the gift”.
Powering this week’s thoughts
Music plays such an important role when I am thinking, working, and reflecting. I also find it interesting to see what others are listening to. It's a gateway into an aspect of their personality. That's why I'd like to share, with each article, an artist or playlist that I have been listening to that week. Here's this weeks: